Monday, December 17, 2007

Bill Simmons Week: The Sports Gal

Although you didn't know it, it's Bill Simmons Week on Moderately Cerebral Bias. Read Bill's ESPN stuff here and his Wiki is quite detailed as well. I first started reading about sports on the 'Net due to a USA Today article about Page 2 being launched on So I've been reading Bill Simmons from the beginning of his ESPN tenure. I thought him an interesting topic just because he's still the favorite sports writer of many a teen and 20-something guy. So how does he do it? Is he still any good? Or is it just the competition is so bad? We'll explore those questions and others at some point in the week.

Before diving into the good stuff, I wanted to start by defending the Sports Gal, Bill Simmons' wife. A few weeks ago, Bill Simmons had a column in which he wrote a letter to his 13-year-old self. Among the lines in that letter was "Don't get married until you're 45." For some reason, that line angered me. I'm sure The Sports Gal was a world-class grouch while carrying around those extra pounds during her pregnancy, but really, not get married until you're 45? Harsh, isn't it? Perhaps all you male models who read my blog are nodding your heads in agreement because you have your pick of the opposite gender, but I personally don't agree with that line at all.

Anyway, the Sports Gal's only bad trait that I've noticed from her writing is her whining, especially about various celebrities that make her feel less attractive or about Bill's sports addiction. But really, how hard is this to handle? So you goes to a party with lots of attractive women there, and your date starts feeling inadequate. All a man has to do is be a little more affectionate and complementary toward his companion. A hand squeeze here, a "You look so good tonight" there, and everything is fine. (Not so good idea; pretending that you didn't notice that bimbo or that you didn't really think she was hot. She's not stupid.) And come on, Bill whines a lot too. The two are perfectly matched in their whiningness; it's like the Napa Valley for whine, heh.

The good parts? She's a runner, she's really funny (according to her ESPN columns, love the acerbic sarcasm), and she's better at picking sports winners than Bill. Not a bad start. Also, I looked up some pics, and she looks exactly like what I'd expect. I probably shouldn't be posting this, and you all better be nice in the comment section, but if you scroll down, you can see a picture of her with Bill:

Kind of plain, but...HA! Just messing, that's actually Will Leitch of with Bill Simmons. But honestly, she's an attractive woman in her 30's who will still be reasonably attractive in another decade. In other words, exactly what you'd expect Simmons would go for if he were signing a long-term deal. Come on, Bill, from your whining one would think you had married Tara Reid and it had all been downhill since. You had your chance to be Mr. Single ESPN Guy before you married her. If that life was so good, you'd still be Mr. Single ESPN Guy. Buck up and admit that you have it pretty good for a married man, ok?

Oh, and by the way, while searching for Sports Gal, I came across Let's Go to Smokes, which also expressed his affection for the Sports Gal. It's a decent blog from what I read, go check it out. I also came across a guide for male sports fans on how to get their own sports gal that's worth a look.


  1. Tthe nagging/whining can be enough to drive any man up a wall. Second, the fact that a lot of her whining/nagging comes from things that either a) allow her to sit in a LA home all day because it is Bills JOB to watch sports or b) are uncontrollable by anyone (ie. what lohan et al did the night before) can be a bit much.

    The "45" comment is likely just something that can be related to by many of men who wish they could go back and re-do things. The age may have been a bit much, but I just think that he was more or less saying that he would've waited a bit longer before ending his life...

  2. Sarge, your point is well-taken--that if it wasn't for Bill's career in sports, they wouldn't have what they have. True. I would have been sympathetic for Bill if he had married the Sports Gal at, say, 23 right out of school, before he became famous. But he already waited until he was 35? or so to get married! I know he probably meant to make a joke, but it sounded so bitter, it was annoying. Anyway, thanks for chiming in.

  3. any time. and i fully attribute the Browns successes to you moving away - just so you know!

  4. Sarge, I'm actually worried about returning for the holidays; I paid no attention to the Indians until the Red Sox series, and look what happened! I promise to leave town before the play-offs.

  5. You know, a sure fire way to increase your traffic would be to post the Sports Gals real name (Kari L. Crichton Simmons). For some reason (okay, it's obvious - people want to know about her since Bill talks so much about her) people often search for those terms via Google.

    Hello traffic!