Washed-up Hotties Find (Fake) Love At Last

Let me vent for a minute before going back on hiatus. I can't believe how the impending Alex Rodriguez-Yankees deal is being covered. The Yankees and Alex Rodriguez both used to be the hot man/woman on the block. From 1996-2003 or so, they were too good to be true. Extremely talented and above reproach, they were the supermodel you can bring home to your parents. But now, both have squandered their reputation. The Yankees have spent the past 4 years seducing every small-market free agent with a pulse, while Alex Rodriguez has proved himself unable to handle commitment in any form. Let's put it this way; Ross from Friends and JD from Scrubs think Alex is being a wuss. The Man Without a (Baseball World Series) Country has shown surprising weakness under postseason pressure. Now that Alex is signing with the Yankees, it's somehow being presented as a win-win for all sides except for Scott Boras. Are you kidding me?!

The truth is, the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez, after years of having any body they wanted under their control, find that no one wants them anymore. This is a move of desperation. Their stupid puppet shows no longer draw crowds on Broadway. Whether it is George Steinbrenner's empty Mad Lib threats (If "name" doesn't "verb", then I will "verb" until he "verb") or Scott Boras' diarrheatic (ok, that's not a word) lying complete with Alex's Angst, the actors have been going through the motions for years. So now both are pretending that they have won each other's hearts and that this commitment ceremony, err, signing, is a true expression of love, instead of being the last desperate resort of washed-up hotties who have run out of people to exploit. If I were a Yankees fan, I'd be nauseated that my organization's owners can't say no to talent, even after promising not to resign Alex when he opted out. What message about talent over principles does that send in-house talent like Jeter, Posada, and Rivera, and young talent like Chamberlain and Hughes? And if I were Alex's family--what more can New York City do to prove that they resent you? Stone Cynthia in the streets and feed your kids to vultures? I mean, seriously, wake up Alex, when are you going to get tired of being manipulated? It's a tragedy that the only father figures Alex latches onto are abusive dominant types. Maybe that's what makes him such a great star, this attempt to get water from stones, but as a person, this is a terrible mistake.

Wait, what am I saying? Pity for the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez? Burn, baby, burn! It's so rare that the talented and arrogant get humbled and are forced to beg one another for scraps. Now if you'll excuse me, the Lakers-Kobe show is still going on. With luck, the Lakers will trade Kobe for Ben Wallace and the rights to Fran Vasquez, and Kobe will immediately slip on some ice in Chicago, get injured, and retire.