Tuesday, June 19, 2007

An Open Letter to Amanda Beard

Unlike some other blogs, Moderately Cerebral Bias is written by only one person. Thus, he must fake multiple personality disorder when he wants another voice on his blog. Today, it's a 14-year-old female swimmer and a male chauvanist writing Amanda Beard, the Olympic swimmer who recently posed for Playboy magazine, with a special MC Postscript.

Dear Amanda,
Hi! I'm really excited for your photoshoot!!! That's great! I'm a swimmer too at my high school, but I am not even CLOSE to being as good as you! And now you're showing the boys that us swimmers are hotties too. You go girl! But I'm a little confused. You did this to show people what an athlete's body looks like, right? I thought your shoot was going to be really cool because of that! No airbrushing or anything. You know, you'd show people what it looks like to be FIERCE and FINE even if you have birthmarks! But, um...your photoshoot skin looks perfect. Where are the scars? Where is the weird tan from the goggles for swimming? It doesn't look like me at all. Oh well. Maybe I'll have perfect skin like that when I get older, and the boys will like me. For now, it's back to the pool. Can you sign my poster from the magazine and return it? Your fan, Michelle Bias.

Dear Future Kitchen Inhabitant Amanda,
I have to admit, you had me concerned. You female athletes and career women were ruining what Hef and thousands of men like him worked so hard for all these years. Women were making noises about "careers" and "taking care of myself" and "don't need men." But Hef didn't get that excellent taste in loungewear by doing nothing, uh-uh. Now, you women realize that "career" is just another step on the long road to becoming a sex object for males. Hef wins again! It's just another clever strategem in the War Between the Sexes. We've just modified the system so now it's "Sex Object and...Athlete" or "Sex Object and...Engineer" instead of just plain old "Sex Object"! Oh, it's cute to think that you're "empowered" by working for Hef, but I ask you, who is your boss? who is your audience? Why it is men, and men again. And if taking naked pictures of yourself is "empowering", why don't you do it for free? Belinda from Accounting still is not falling for my logic on this. Ah, Amanda, it's days like these that makes me happy to be the pig I am. Now, how about a little more skin next time? Perhaps a video?
Signed, Male Pig Bias.

And finally, a word from MC himself:
Dear Amanda. As if it wasn't hard enough already to convince people I liked the WNBA and women's volleyball as sports in their own right, now this. Thanks but no thanks for making sure to perpetuate the bias that women cannot be appreciated in their own right for what they do unless they are hot/sexy too. Cheers, MCBias.

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