Tuesday, July 3, 2007

If Sitcom Stars were NBA Draft Prospects: Seinfeld and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Inspired by NBA Draft reports, here is a breakdown of your 90's sitcom ballers from Seinfeld and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Add your own sitcom star breakdown in the comments!

C: Cosmo Kramer
Strengths: Unorthodox post moves, height, ability to think outside the box; the best highlight video of the five with the exception of Will Smith. His behind-the-backboard lay-up is nearly unstoppable.
Weaknesses: The nightlife and ladies; who can forget watching him mouth his phone number to the cheerleaders before making those foul shots to beat Ohio State? Says what's on his mind at any time; may anger conservative fan base. Intensity is a question mark, as is intelligence.
School: Talented big men have to go to Georgetown, only because the sight of Kramer posing with, say, Patrick Ewing makes me laugh.
Reminds you of: Kwame Brown, Keith Van Horn, Zydrunas Ilguskas

PF: Will Smith
Strengths: Explosive moves off the dribble, possesses an unusual ability to get to the hole through multiple defenders, bulletproof fro to protect him from concussions, extensive post game featuring an excellent drop step and jump hook, shot-blocking ability off the charts. Made his reputation off excellent pre-draft workout against Isiah Thomas:

Weaknesses: Questionable home life and hints of trouble in his past, rumors of William Wesley funding to get him to California and bigger media audience, question as to whether anyone at all played defense in his conference:

School: Will Smith is definitely Pac-10: what about Cal or Washington?
Reminds you of: Rashard Lewis, Drew Gooden

SF: Jerry Seinfeld
Strengths: Does more with nothing than anyone before or since, deadly mid-range jump shot, plays tough defense, attended school all four years, managed to lead a cast of losers and misfits to the conference title, Jewish heritage makes him a potential drawing card for NBA team with space on the bench
Weaknesses: Under pressure his game falls apart, a complimentary player rather than a star. Is he really that good, or is the competition that bad?
School: White, preppy, over-achiever with questionable skills for the pro game? Do I even have to type out Duke?
Reminds you of: Shane Battier, Danny Ferry

SG: Carlton Banks
Strengths: Fundamentally sound in all aspects of the game, inspiring Charley Rosen to write about his jump shot for 2 straight weeks until Charley had a heart attack while watching Carlton's 12-14 shooting night; intelligent kid from wealthy two-parent home; already dresses to match NBA dress code
Weaknesses: Maturity, toughness, height, one too many sweaters for post-game interviews, can fall back on finance degree if struggles in the NBA, completely incapable of forming a complete sentence when interviewed by Erin Andrews. Gonzaga isn't an all-male school, right? Not so sure after that interview.
School: Gonzaga; do you really think THE Carlton Banks would go to a large public institution?
Reminds you of: Cuttino Mobley, Rip Hamilton

PG: George Costanza
Strengths: Teardrop floater in lane with either hand, high basketball and sports IQ (wants to be a coach or front-office worker some day), fiery on-court personality (led team to come-from-behind wins in several games)
Weaknesses: Defense, dysfunctional home life, shorter than Rachel Nichols in that ESPN interview, led conference in technical fouls ('roid rage? HGH?), and what's with the balding? I really don't believe he's only 22.
School: Winona State; your classic small-school star that may not be able to make the jump to a bigger pond.
Reminds you of: Khalid El-Amin, Tony Parker


  1. Point guard? Remember, George Costanza is a chucker.

  2. He's too short to play anywhere else, ha. But you're right, PV, I should have put chucking as a weakness.

  3. What about Will Smith going back to his hometown of Philly to play for Temple, Villanova or St. Joe's?

  4. It should also be mentioned that Costanza has subpar court vision. Let's not forget that the man requires the use of glasses (almost blind without his). We also know that he has worn RecSpecs in the past and there is a very good chance that no team in history has won with a PG wearing Rec Specs.