We're only about 7 hours away from "One Shining Moment" being played. I wanted to talk about some overlooked members of college basketball teams: the bench players.
Now, usually when you see those little-used players, they're hopping up and down after their team just made a key basket to move closer to victory. Sounds like a pretty good job if you can get it, right? Well...what about their thoughts at other times in the game? Let me fill you in:
...so if Smith and Johnson go pro, Onfen graduates, and the campus police stop letting Infamume off when they find him passed out in his car with minors locked in his trunk, and Henderson chooses Duke instead of here, I might play next year...
...Wish I wasn't flunking Accounting this year. I didn't want to take it during the Winter quarter, but it's my only chance if I want to graduate. Coach said there's no funding for next year for me to go to school. Funny, there was funding when he recruited me, before I hurt my knee...
...so Henderson keeps elbowing me every time in practice. Any real defense on him in the post draws an elbow. It's a foul, but coach won't call it. Tells me to "be a man". Funny, they didn't tell Henderson that when I blocked his shot last week and he got mad and broke the table. I swear Coach James was telling him it was a foul on me after practice. Me? The only foul was what the staff have been letting Henderson get away with the last 3 years; Janikitz still hasn't seen a dollar from the $300 he let Henderson borrow to "see his mom." I can't wait until Henderson has to sit the bench like this in the pros.
...Becky hasn't called me in a week; says she's busy vacationing in Florida. I remember when I was Prom King and she was Prom Queen at high school. I remember when she told me "I love the best athlete ever!", felt so good...Oh, and Dad told me that Jeff Manders, the guy who broke my high school scoring record this year, is visiting Florida this week. I'm not surprised he broke my record; he was my height and always was more athletic than I was. Wait a minute...
...Coach told the reporters Jones is the last guy out of practice every day. I guess that means I'm not on the team anymore, because I leave a half hour after he does. Heaven forbid Coach mention a player the national media can't ID without a guide...
...Assistant Coach Lenders stopped me the other day and told me I needed to be more enthusiastic on the bench. Said I didn't look excited enough when Jones hit that big three last night; said I should be jumping up and down, showing how happy I am to be at State U. Oh, there's another jumper by Jones. Think happy thoughts...oh, like only one more year before I graduate! Woo-hoo!...
...Social Work sounded like an easy major, but now, what do I do with it if I actually have to work? Yeah, like lots of single moms are going to let a 7-foot man into their house to check on their kids. I can't wait to hear "I was expecting the agency to send a woman" for the next 30 years of my life...
...Jones broke into my locker again and borrowed my Blackberry without asking. Only this time, he scratched up the faceplate when he dropped it, and now it stopped working. I'd say something to him or coach, but we're all supposed to be extra nice to him since he's talking about going to the NBA....
...I swear, if Assistant Coach Lenders looks at my girlfriend again like that after the game, and offers to buy her something while she's waiting for me to get dressed, I'll...say nothing. Because I want to play, and he's my only supporter on the coaching staff...
...Two more inches, the coaches told me. I was only 17 when I graduated; if I grew to be 6'1", they could see me playing the point for 3 years here after Jones graduated. Hey, David Robinson grew 6 inches in college, right? Not me. I'd believe in God too, if he gave me a 6 inch growth spurt right now. Or Allah, or Buddha, or Victor Conte...
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