Friday, February 8, 2008

Parallel Universe: League of Awkward Quarterbacks

I won the prediction contest on thebiglead before the Super Bowl. I guessed Giants 17, Patriots 13. Seriously. So I wrote this post: League of Awkward Quarterbacks. I wanted to write something funny, and it had been a long time since I had done a made-up story on an athlete. However, given the 250-word limit and my own inability to set a scene to save my life, it was rather mediocre. That's ok; can't succeed without failing has always been my motto, since 7th grade. Err, the FIRST time I was in 7th grade, that is. I reprint the column below:

League of Awkward Quarterbacks (LAQ), Phoenix Denny’s, Sunday night…

GROSSMAN: Two more hours before Eli comes back in tears like me last year. I’m glad we decided not to watch.

RIVERS: While we wait, let’s get updates. Brady?

QUINN: I had another photo shoot for a men’s magazine! They provided me with a delicious platter of shrimp, too. The photographer asked me to take off my shirt for 4-5 pictures, but that was it. I’m finally not going to be that guy who takes awkward pictures anymore!

RIVERS: Let me guess…the article will have 4-5 pictures in it?

QUINN: Why yes, and…Oh no, Brady, Brady, there’s no such thing as free shrimp! And the magazine people seemed so nice! I never heard of their magazine, but those legal advocates love football!(Awkward silence)

GROSSMAN: Um, Brady…they’re not lawyers…

RIVERS:(hastily interrupts) Where is Vince?! How can he continue to refuse his membership in LAQ that Merrill sent? I want to return to when quarterbacks were judged by the color of their skin and their play-off games won, rather than by the content of their character!

GROSSMAN: Then why don’t Peyton and Ben attend meetings?(Eli walks in, hands hidden)

MANNING: (holds out one hand): At least Mommy finally bought me that antique Russian Samovar for being so brave…

ALL: Poor Eli!

MANNING: (holds out trophy): LOMBARDI, BI-(Ok, no way Eli would say that)

MANNING: Lombardi be ours!


EDIT: By the way, my thanks to the blogs who've chosen to link to MCBias articles in the last 30 days:

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